I’ve never quite understood that ditty, but nonetheless there’s something I adore about New Year’s Eve in Minneapolis. It’s the catalyst of all holidays. The one that without pretense or superfluous consumerism, still provides you with that warm fuzzy holiday feeling. It’s the holiday where you tingle with anticipation, ready to celebrate the last ten seconds of the year. It’s that spectacular night when all of last year’s mishaps and regrets are wiped clean and it is perfectly acceptable to smack a juicy one on the nearest random stranger(s). We have one word to make this night as special as it deserves to be – location, location, location! Ok, that’s one word three times but still.

Whether you’re out to drop some Benjamins and roll in the Cristal, wanna dance your way into 2010 or just feel like having a more intimate evening out with friends and family, we have you covered. Here’s the skinny on this year’s most buzzed about NYE bashes in the Twin Cities.

My dear how shall we proceed…

Flossy, Flossy

The Jetset 2010 New Year’s Eve
10 pm/ 21+/ $75, Envy Nightclub, 400 1st Ave. N., Minneapolis

If you have the means to spend a bit of dough this year, we want to make sure you get your money’s worth. Known strictly as Downtown MPLS’ “most anticipated NYE extravaganza,” the party’s dual presenters nightclub power duo, The Lounge and Envy, have teamed up to create a NYE experience of epic proportions. For a $75 cover charge, prepare for a jet setter’s taste of some of the most fabulous places in the world as five club rooms transform into the vibrant colors, sounds and culture of Rome, romantic Paris, London, splendorous Hong Kong and exotic Bollywood. Ticket price includes a premium open bar (which includes shots!) all night long at BOTH locations, and complimentary champagne toasts. Plus, trance, drum & bass and techno music from DJs Dudley D, Strangelove, Jevne, Shan, Galuck and Sharbi. And while you’re at it, why not go all out baller style and get the VIP treatment – table service and unlimited bottles all night! To reserve VIP tickets call 612.333.8800 or up regular tickets Envy Nightclub.

Safety Dance

New Year’s Eve 2010: Deep Space Danceteria presented by Vita.mn
8 pm/ 18+/ $5, $15, First Ave, 701 1st Ave. N., Minneapolis

2010 already sounds like a hop, skip and jump away from a space odyssey sequel, so a ‘deep space danceteria’ theme is hardly a stretch of the imagination. Tonight’s Vita.mn presented New Year’s Eve features a moonwalk contest, an interactive photobooth, a champagne toast, free samples of Naked Grouse scotch whisky, Tang drink specials and the mysterious “total eclipse” event at midnight. Hosted by TV’s Drinking with Ian, with DJs Soviet Panda, Roy Freedom, Smitty and Classixx.

Win tickets at Vita.mn.

Get the Radisson Plaza Hotel NYE package deal – room, parking & tickets for a special rate of $145! Visit their website and enter the code ‘FIRST.’

Prepare your dance moves with a pre-party mix from TML host, DJ Soviet Panda which includes tracks from Aeroplane, Goldfrapp, DJ Mehdi, Cut Copy and Kris Menace. Download Soviet Panda’s mix.

(Photo by Kate Iverson for Digital Crush)
Transmission New Year’s Eve
9 pm/ 21+/ $5 adv, $10 door, Clubhouse Jäger, 923 Washington Ave., Minneapolis

Gaining mad popularity all last year, mainly due to DJ Jake Rudh’s stellar 80′s flashback dance tracks and Jager’s delicious specialty cocktails, the weekly Transmission parties easily made Wednesday the new Friday. Tonight’s event is ticketed so not to worry. There will still be room to get your groove on without destroying someone’s party hat. Purchase tickets at Jager until they’re gone. $5 advance, $10 at the door, but heads up – this night is bound to sell out faster than you can say ‘flock of seagulls,’ so we suggest getting your tickets asap. Features new wave, indie, mod and Brit tunes and a complimentary champagne toast when the clock strikes 12.

The Big Chill

(Photo by Kate Iverson for Digital Crush)
New Year’s Eve at the Red Stag
11 pm/ 21+/ Free, Red Stag Supper Club, 509 1st Ave. NE, Minneapolis

It doesn’t get more intimate than Northeast’s contemporized supper club, the Red Stag. This year, skip the downtown crowds, noise and hassle and opt for a more formal affair. Co-sponsored by Secrets of the City, celebrate a low-key New Year’s Eve with live ear-pleasing music and drinks all while munching on the Red Stag’s famous Truffled Kettle Corn. Join MC, local actor and entertainer Dylan Fresco, Jeremy Messersmith and Brad Senne for an evening of laid back tunes, complimentary champagne and Prairie Vodka cocktail drink specials. Plus, win snazzy prizes like Red Stag gift cards and theater tickets.

Outside the Box

3rd Annual New Year’s Eve Cover Night
9 pm/ 21+/ $8, Turf Club, 1601 University Ave., St. Paul

Tonight’s NYE celebration features a throwback cover night unlike any other. With Vampire Hands + Nate Nelson as Television; Leisure Birds + Zach Rose as The Monks; Daughters of the Sun as Jesus and Mary Chain; Marijuana Deathsquad + Total Fucking Blood & Gina as Brian Eno; and Secret Language as Fleetmac Mac. Expect special surprises, drink specials and a killer dance party.

Sauce’s 2010 New Year’s Eve
9 pm/ 21+/ $10, Sauce Spirits & Soundbar, 3001 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis

Uptown’s best new music venue takes New Year’s Eve by the reigns for a night of live music with some of the last year’s most interesting electronic artists. Featuring a line-up of Beatrix* Jar, Estate, Lookbook, Mystery Palace and DJ tunes from Gigamesh. 10 dollar cover charge includes one drink ticket and complimentary champagne at midnight.

Tokyo 2020
9 pm/ 18+/ $15, 2426 Washington St. NE, Minneapolis

The brains behind last year’s Egyptian-themed NYE party at Rogue Buddha, the crew returns for round deux, this time with a futuristic motif. Expect an evening where human-kind battles machinery immersed in technological architecture and audio immersion from DJs Skw33k, KM, Nitrogen, Noise, DJ02, Fenris, DV8 and Spleen. Plus, a performance by Savage Aural Hotbed and Giza Sangria, aerial from Zyra and visuals courtesy of Rockula. Cyberpunk/ Japanese attire encouraged. Admission includes drinks and tasty snacks. Goes ’til 3 am!

… And our journey is almost complete.